He belives many of our emotional issues are based on our childhood environment not herataary. He does not put the blame on anyone but points out how the family functions are taught and passed down for generations. At some point they may have been helpful to cope but also can create a life long pattern that is destructive. How do we re-learn? I know this has been a struggle for me. I think I still avoid some issues but now… I do express my anger. Maybe too much though as I try to make up for lost time. ;)
One step at a time….
Maté: It’s not that I am careful not to blame. It’s that there’s nobody to blame. People don’t develop these behavior patterns deliberately. These are coping mechanisms based on family-of-origin problems. If I suppress my emotions because my parents couldn’t handle my anger when I was two years old, how am I to blame for that? At some point these coping mechanisms helped us survive.
Maté: Sometimes the question is not so much of attachment, but of attunement: the capacity of the parent to be emotionally in tune with the child. Many children are well attached to their parents, but the latter are too stressed or too distracted to be attuned to their kids. Stress on parents in this society is why we are seeing so many more kids being diagnosed with disorders.
Great article I highly recommend. Mediation, Yoga, Reiki do help me but like everything we have to have a continues daily practice. Mate’ also uses mindful mediation to over come his afflictions. He also points out the connection between cancer and personalities. Positive thinking does help but he warns against the compulsive positive thinker.
Maté: The compulsive positive thinker is in trouble, however, because he or she is in denial of reality. Some people are not comfortable with their own pain, so they cover it up with positive thoughts in a desperate attempt to avoid what’s there.
I meet him at the Sivananda Ashrum in the Bahamas. Always meant to buy his book scattered for my ADD. This is a sign I need to follow up with that!!
- Empathetic Children More Likely To Effectively Manage Stress, Behave Prosocially (medicalnewstoday.com)